“You can keep as quiet as you like, but one of these days somebody is going to find you.”
And she had the kind of love that everybody would die for, yet she couldn’t see…
She got once again to that dead end that used to come to her every now and then. She was stressed and tormented and thought about running away.
She couldn’t see what was good in her life or about herself, for everyone else it was crystal clear, for her, just a blurry picture of an incomplete girl.
She started packing her stuff, perhaps she could leave before he was coming back, she was going to break his heart forever, but in her mind, she was saving him from her own self destruction. She was used to dealing with the bomb living insider herself, but if one day that bomb was exploding, she didn’t want to cause any unnecessary collateral damages.
She was in a war with herself, denying her feelings, denying her weaknesses and flaws. She wanted to be perfect and excited, therefore, change, kept her distracted from routine. She was too hard on herself, but nobody ever taught her that it was OK to fail, that it was OK to be her, that she was unique and special, and the areas for improvement, could be easily worked. She learnt too soon how to avoid pain, distraction, creating a new self, the person the world wanted, but the world wanted the real her, it was a pity she couldn’t see.
She continued putting things inside her suitcase, but as soon as it was ready, she started unpacking again, this time it was not that easy , she had good reasons to stay, she had people for whom was worth staying, she found the man for whom it was worth facing those fears… yet she was a coward… yet she was making up things in her head, telling herself that she couldn’t do it and the best thing was to stop the fight and run…
She lie down in bed and started to cry as she used to do… She wished to gain strength and put things into perspective, to embrace life and live, accepting herself and her imperfections, accepting that someone could love her, no matter what, that someone would rather stay there than doing anything else…
She wanted to run, but she stayed.
He opened the door and smile, sitting quietly next to her.
-Everything is going to be fine.
-How do you know?
-I can feel it. Do you need me to put that suitcase away?
-Mmh, yes, but…
-I’m not hiding it, I’ll tell you where it is.
He left the room and she smiled to herself, feeling thankful and certain that for once, it was worth staying and fighting for a well long deserved happy life.