She was seating on that bench waiting for her life to be over, she waited and waited in the same spot, every day at the same time, at the same bench for life to be over.
Life has become a routine, waking up at the same time, taking the same train, having the same breakfast, drinking the same number of cups of tea, buying the same bread, going to the gym and repeating the same exercises over and over again, drinking herself blind to sleep and next day start over again.
Since she’s lost her son, she didn’t know who she was, she knew it before having him, she was independent, strong, confident, then the little one came to her life and everything changed, she cared about someone else more than herself, she forgot about her dreams, ambitions, passions, she put all her focus on him, she forgot about her partner, her family, her friends, the little one was everything for her, and now he was gone, forever, and no one could bring him back, that was the sad true.
Her husband abandoned her for someone younger when their son was three, he said he felt neglected, he felt ignored and he found someone that would take care of him as she used to do, apparently he was looking for a mother rather than a wife. He broke her heart into pieces, he tore her apart, he abandoned her and their son, he said that he never wanted that creature in any case; he called their son “creature”. She was alone, in the dark, confused….
The room started spinning around and so did her head. She didn’t know who she was and she remembered for a minute something, she knew who she was before having a son, she remembered a better version of herself, someone brighter and full of life, now she was just reduced to ashes. So, she had to… she had to do it… she took him for his night bath,like every day, she felt his skin, soft and wet, the smell, that baby smell, she looked deeply into his eyes one last time, he smiled at her, she took a deep breath and drowned him…
Nobody ever found out, they didn’t know she murdered her own son, they just thought it was a mistake, a fatal mistake, but they didn’t punish her, she didn’t go to jail, she was absolved but damned.
Since then I see her there, on that bench, absent, lost, she can’t kill herself, so she’s asked me to do it for her, but I prefer to see her sitting on that bench every day, I observed her dying a tiny bit more each time, I know what she did, I know that she can’t end this, so everything I do is to make her wait, wait for me angel of death to take her pain away, but I can’t, not until she’s paid the full price of taking an innocent’s life. This is your punishment, now I’ll make sure you know who you are…