RUNNING UP THAT HILL

 

It doesn’t hurt me, you wanna feel how it feels, you wanna know, know, that it doesn’t hurt me, you wanna know about the deal I’m making…

You can press yourself harder against me, you can grab the knife on the bed sit and cut a slice of my flesh, it doesn’t hurt me…

You don’t wanna hurt me, I understand, you don’t know that I’m actually the one tearing you apart, you don’t know what this game is about, you’re just here to play with me, you just love every bit of me, but you and I, you and I we won’t be happy. Not even in a hundred years I’ll learn how to make you happy, so we’re just playing.

I know you don’t want to hurt me and you don’t understand I can’t feel it, doesn’t matter how deep you cut, the knife doesn’t go under my skin, I can’t bleed, I can’t feel, this is what it’s left of me.

I once was like you, I once could feel, I once… I did love… I did love you… but now I can’t feel. I’m not myself anymore, I got this new resistant skin, perfectly design by German engineers so nothing can ever go underneath, it’s been tested for years in unorthodox ways, but they know, it works.

I know it works because there you are sitting next to me, trying to hurt me, wanting to know more about the deal, and I can’t feel anything, you can’t hurt me. I hold your hand and squeeze it hard, I see you ringing, I see you trying to get rid of my hand, trying to press even harder, but you don’t understand that I’m not the girl that I used to be, that you killed what was inside me and what you see in front of you it’s an improved version of myself that can’t be hurt by you.

The deal was that I’ll give in my soul for a better skin, for better insides, for an stronger mind, I didn’t need my feelings, you don’t need them either, come with me, I’ll show the place, I’ll take you with me, we’re going down that hill, I’ve made this deal with god, we’re going to swap our places, they’ll take you and I’ll get my life back. Probably it’s not fair, I don’t care about what’s fair or not anymore, I care about me, and even if you didn’t want, you hurt me, and now that you confess that you tried to hurt me, you know something? that you can’t hurt me, because this time I’m not allowing you to do it so. I sold your soul fool. Good luck on adjusting to your new skin, good luck on adjusting to the loss, we’re running down that hill and this time it doesn’t hurt me.

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