I saw the trees through the window, the leaves were green and yellow, they were trying to grow but there was something wrong, the air was less clean these days, before the bomb, the air used to be breathable, not sure if I can say it in that way, but that’s what it was, now it’s so condensed that we can’t leave our houses without wearing our masks.
I went to the comic shop to see Auryn, he was the only one who could entertain me these days, he hasn’t lost his sense of humour, I still don’t know how he does but he always keeps himself in a good mood no matter what, everything its good for him. I’m quite the opposite, I got this gift where I can find misery everywhere, obviously when I say a gift I’m being sarcastic, sorry, I’m not very good at cracking jokes, I might be a weirdo and I still don’t know. My mum repeats that to my dad every day, why did we do wrong to get this weird kid? Why does she always have to do that? Blah, blah, blah. I think mum hates me, but hey! We have to live under the same roof so we have to learn how to be convivial enemies, can I say that? My use of language it’s getting worst and worst. I used to very good at writing, now I got all the smoke in my brain and the only thing I can write it’s random stories with no specific topic and no storyline, or that’s what my teacher at uni says.
I wish I didn’t care so much about what everybody says about me. I should just be myself and that’s it. Hey, I’m a weirdo! I hate you! Welcome to my world! But this is not what I say to them, I smile, that’s being polite according to my mum, I wish I could tell all my parents friends to fuck off, when I was fat, they were like , OMG ! Ginny, you’re so fat! When I lost weight, they were all worried, OMG Frank, your daughter it’s anorexic! She might die within a year… Fuck off you all! Man, just give me a break!
I used to go to Auryn’s shop every day after lunch; it was my only relief from that cave call home. Auryn accepted me as I was, even when I was moody, or unbearable, he was cool about it or if so he would tell me to fuck off, he was honest to me, I like that quality in people, if you have to stop and tell me to fuck off you do. I hate pleasers, pleasers are meant to be nice, but I find them utterly annoying, I wish there was a hole in the earth and it will swallow them. I wish the bomb has killed them all! Not the really good people, as Karen.
Karen was my neighbour, she was crazy like fuck, used to go to all these dives, hook up with the first guy she saw and then tell them to go away the day after. She was taking so many drugs lately, but I never judged her, I could speak with her about anything and she would understand me, it’s a pity that the last I saw from her, was her brain on the road…